Chapter 1

I am not a doctor or a therapist, but I’m definitely a busy mother of five. While I appreciate and respect doctors, they aren’t the ones who will continually teach my kids about their remarkable bodies as they grow and change. I can’t schedule an appointment and rush my three-year-old to the doctor’s office to answer every spontaneous question. Once in the grocery store line my daughter yelled while pointing to the lady behind me, “Mommy, how’s dat lady gonna get dat big, fat baby outta her tummy?” Yeah, that happened to me. 

You already know that it’s our job as parents to somehow be instant experts on all subjects including sex, which comes with the added challenge of keeping the information appropriate at each age. As parents and caregivers, we have a massive amount of information to teach our kids—terms for body parts, changes in their bodies, slang, sex, and pregnancy—and that scares many parents. Not very many will say they are excited for “the talk” or to teach their kids about the “birds and the bees’’ (what does that even mean, anyway?). 

Since my kids were little, I’ve been searching for the right books to help me out with this weighted responsibility. Most of the ones I found lacked organization and the content I needed (or had way too much), and to be honest, they were just plain odd. I found that I needed five to six different books to give me all the resources and pictures for the discussions I planned to have with our kids. Even then, I still had a lot of my own notes. I needed a magical book of lessons with all the thoughts I had in my head. Then I had a brilliant idea...and I knew I was capable of creating it. You’ve heard the old joke that it would be helpful if kids came with an instruction manual. Seriously, wouldn’t that have been easier? What if I wrote a book, or in other 2 The Birthday Suit Book 1 words, a manual just for parents to simplify the process of teaching kids about their bodies? Even better, wouldn’t you love an annual lesson each year on their birthday as your kids navigate adolescence? Me, too. So, here I am, a mother of five kids under the age of thirteen, writing these simple, yet extremely powerful books that I know have the potential to strengthen parent-child and family relationships, improve your child’s body image, and most importantly, help you educate your children about the wondrous human body. In the lessons, I provide only the basics, and you get to add your own family values.

 You’re probably asking why anyone would ever want to write a book about something most parents dread. Don’t think I’m nuts, but I was eager about this part of motherhood long before my first little boy was placed in my arms. I have always appreciated all my body was capable of, and I loved learning anatomy and relevant information about my health. Ironically, when I was in high school I didn’t even take health. My parents had it waived, and I took drama instead. Looking back, I’m still shocked that it was even an option to waive a health class! Throughout my childhood I was well-educated about my body and sex, but I was always curious and would have appreciated even more discussions and reading material. 

During my teen years and into college, where I studied and played volleyball for Utah Valley University and Brigham Young University, I found there were many holes and gaps in my education that I had to fill on my own. This pursuit of knowledge began in what unexpectedly became my favorite and most influential college class: human sexuality. But not for the reasons you would think. Yes, the content was unique and interesting, but my professor, Lori Richards, lit a fire within me that has been blazing ever since. 

Lori taught with intense enthusiasm for her subject, and it was obvious she didn’t teach just to present information. She was thoroughly entertaining, and we could all see her joy when she knew her students understood the content. I loved watching her teach and I loved learning applicable information from her. It was because of Lori and that class that I changed my major from sports medicine to health education. Fast-forward a few years. With a degree in health education, I landed my dream job as a high school health teacher at Orem High. I adored that job and had a blast teaching. However, during this time, I couldn’t believe how little many of my fourteen- to eighteen-year-old students knew about themselves. It was astonishing. The same kids I saw kissing and hanging all over their girlfriends and boyfriends in the halls were asking questions that proved their utter ignorance of puberty, sex, and anatomy. For example, most of the boys were so surprised when they learned that girls have three holes between their legs. Did they really think babies, urine, and poop all came from the same hole? And both boys and girls thought there were bones in the penis that made it erect.

One time, I was discussing my health class with a senior at a different high school. She nervously asked me some questions about the appearance of her vulva. She described her concern about her labia and what she said sounded perfectly normal. This sweet girl had grown up thinking that she was deformed because of her labia. This broke my heart. I asked her if she had ever seen an educational picture of a normal vulva and she said she hadn’t. What? A senior in high school, and she hadn’t ever learned female anatomy? She had even taken health in high school, but she said they ran out of time in class before getting to the part about male and female anatomy. Unfortunately, hers is a very common story, and it’s shocking that so many kids can go so long without basic knowledge of their bodies. 

While teaching, my favorite question came from a boy who was intensely involved with his girlfriend. I knew of that involvement because I’m pretty sure I had seen the back of both their throats as they were making out in the hall outside my classroom. One day, I was teaching about a girl’s cycle and how she releases an egg when she ovulates. This kid looked bewildered like he had been whacked over the head. He was normally very confident in his random questions, but I watched him raise his hand slowly and awkwardly. I always loved wondering what questions were going to come out of these kids’ brains, but I knew this one was going to be especially good. When I called on him it took him a while to form the words, but he finally asked, “So, um, a girl releases an egg….um, so...like a chicken?” This poor fourteen-year-old kid was thinking his girlfriend squatted down once a month and laid an egg! Thank goodness I was able to set the record straight with that kid. 

Those kids always kept me on my toes, and I have some of the best memories of teaching my health classes. But throughout my teaching career, I frequently wondered what kind of upbringing each of my students had and how many conversations they shared with their parents. How comfortable were they talking about these crucial topics? Even with the rampant plethora of inappropriate content lurking online and on social media, how could so many kids still be clueless about the basic facts? What were they learning at home? 

I came across a few parents who didn’t want their kids learning the material I was going to teach even after reviewing my detailed lesson plans, and they would request to sit in class, or instead insist their kids sit in the library during the lessons for six weeks. Sometimes, they would even call and complain about the content and questions asked by the students. I don’t question their devotion to their child, but I also witnessed the humiliation and embarrassment it brought to the student. Why did they not want their teen to learn basic health information with their peers? I taught conservatively in a very conservative community, but I was diligent in presenting the sex education material so my students would feel comfortable talking about it. I wanted my kids to be able to say words like penis, vagina, STDs, AIDS, and sex without being embarrassed. I wanted them to OWN their bodies. I didn’t want 4 The Birthday Suit Book 1 them to be scared, shy, or ignorant about their bodies. At the same time, I didn’t want them to flaunt or exploit their bodies, either. I taught them to LOVE, be appreciative of, and respect their bodies. 

I had taught these high school kids about their mental and social health, nutrition and exercise, drugs, and the student’s favorite, sex education. I loved teaching those kids about their anatomy, answering their questions in a safe environment, and addressing topics they all had a deep curiosity for despite their “ew, gross” façade. I loved it because every single thing I taught could be applied immediately. It was all immediately relevant. 

I adored my job as a teacher, but shortly after my first son was born, I was ready for my next adventure—motherhood. Before my teaching career came to a close, I held my three-month-old son in front of the class and told my students how excited I was to teach him about his body. 

It’s been thirteen years since I last taught a health class, and I recently opened a dusty box with more than one hundred letters I received from my students—each of them worth more than gold to me. Despite my own doubts and vulnerability in taking on this book, reading these letters reminded me that my Orem High School kids believed in me. It’s solid evidence that I did something right with them, and that this book may be the means for me to do something right with your child. 

Among the letters were a lot of entertaining and heartfelt comments thanking me and praising the way I taught my class. One student said, “There wasn’t anything I hated about your class.” If you have ever talked to a teenage boy, you know that is a ridiculously good compliment. Another student wrote, “I wasn’t ever bored.” Another said, “You were blunt about the things I really needed to learn when most other adults wouldn’t be.” I always laugh when I read the letter that says, “Are you secretly a therapist?” One of my favorites was, “Your class was never one I felt like ditching; I looked forward to this period (and as a senior, that is difficult!).” But the following comment from a sixteen-year-old student summarizes the entire reason why I taught. 

I want to thank you with all my heart and soul for helping me. You are just what I want to be like, what I want to strive to be like in my life. Since kindergarten, I’ve never met a teacher with more passion to teach and help better others’ lives than you. 

This student’s note struck my core. I get emotional every time I read it because it showed me how I had come full circle. These are the same words I used when describing my mentor, Lori Richards. We were all heartbroken when she lost her battle with breast cancer in 2012. She shaped me in ways I never expected and was a huge influence and angelic supporter through this whole process. Lori affected countless students, and I’m thrilled to continue to pass on her legacy of love and respect for our bodies. (Bless you and miss you, Lori.) I know that in talking openly about such powerful information with these young minds, you as parents can accomplish infinitely more than just teaching basic information. You can create a bond—a trusting, caring, empathetic bond—while you share this critical information, and you can have some fun while doing it. If I was able to create this connection with students while talking to thirty-six kids at the same time, you can absolutely achieve it one-on-one with your child. 

I am fiercely determined to forge this bond with my own children, and I love the relationships we have already cultivated. In our home, we want an environment where our kids won’t blush when someone uses the correct anatomical terms. We want them to know the truth long before they hear it from another kid or an adult. I’m confident that I am arming my kids as well as I can for whatever happens outside our home. I can’t shield them from the world, but I sure can arm them, just like you can arm yours! This is the reason why I deeply value each of these crucial conversations. When I began gathering my thoughts and resources for these talks, my ideas kept growing until I knew I couldn’t cram everything needed into a few discussions with my kids. There was simply too much critical information I wanted to teach them, and I didn’t want to take any shortcuts. I knew I would need to facilitate a multitude of conversations with my children so I could teach them all they needed to know before they ventured out into the world as adults. That’s when it occurred to me that I needed to develop eighteen yearly lessons.

I wrote and designed this book to make your part simple—no need to worry about making sure you have all the right materials, or a plan, or know how to word things. I’ve done all the work for you so you can focus solely on educating your child to love, own, and respect their body. The lessons I’m sharing with you will help you move that mountain of awkward feelings aside and be the parent your child needs. The More You Know, The More You Respect It.

In the process of writing this book, I interviewed 126 parents and I received valuable advice, stories, and opinions. One of the questions I asked was, “What do you think would happen to relationships, honesty, teenage respect, and obedience if you had a planned talk with your child every year until they turned eighteen?” Of all the parents interviewed, 98 percent said that they believed such talks would build stronger relationships with their children, and 97 percent said that rather than being more promiscuous as teenagers, the talks would more likely inspire their teens to follow family values. I completely agree with these parents. It all comes down to the fact that the more you know about something, the more you respect it. 6 The Birthday Suit Book 1 For example, I first stumbled on Michelangelo’s statue of David as a kid while walking with my family through Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas. At first glance, I thought, Okay, yup, that’s a naked man! There was a gigantic penis right in front of me. I had never seen anything like that, and while I felt nervous and embarrassed, I also felt a bit curious. My parents asked me to look the other way, and I did. It was an awkward experience. 

Years later after I learned the history of the sculpture, my perspective completely changed. Michelangelo was only twenty-six when he started the piece, and it took two years to sculpt it out of a solid block of marble, working in an open courtyard even in the rain. This was one of the most incredible pieces of art ever created. Michelangelo didn’t have a live model to copy, and when it was sculpted in 1504, very little was known or understood about the human body or its internal anatomy. However, Michelangelo’s details—like the veins in the hands, the muscle definition, and the overall proportions—are exquisite. The simplicity and power of the statue’s stance beautifully tell a story of a revolutionary and brave man. Once I learned these facts, David become glorious to me. I no longer simply saw a naked man; I now respected its creator, I loved his interpretation, and I was in awe of the finished product. 

When your kids are thoroughly educated about their bodies, they will be more likely to use that knowledge wisely. Kids who are ignorant are more likely to be the ones who experiment and joke and tease—it’s a way to cover up their insecurities. When a situation comes up, wouldn’t you rather your voice be the one in their heads instead of their friend’s voice—or, even worse, a movie, a magazine, or a stranger’s social media post? 

In all honesty, my biggest weakness as a parent is thinking my kids understand things as I do. I can’t expect them to make the choices that I would unless I’ve taken the time to share what I know. When your child knows your full history, don’t you think they’ll be more likely to listen to what you have to say and respect it? Consider the difference between the child who helped his dad restore that old treasured Camaro, and the one who watched TV instead. Which one is more likely to take the Camaro for a careless joy ride without permission? You respect what you put the time in to understand. Your kids will respect and love their bodies if they are taught to do so. Your kids will respect and love your family values more if every detail is repeatedly discussed and explained instead of leaving it to assumptions or individual interpretation. 

Our bodies, puberty, and sex are not secrets. Your kids can and will find out about them at some point from somebody. So, why not let them learn everything directly from you in a way that creates a special trust? Of all the parents I interviewed, 98 percent said they wanted or wished for their kids to learn everything from them first. So, put on your big-kid pants, roll up your sleeves, and let’s prepare you to teach!